In Episode 16 of Navigating Love and Immigration, Attorney

Megan Pastrana disucsses relationship readiness and healthy communication with special

guest, Barry Selby, about the essential concept of relationship readiness and

the art of healthy communication within a partnership. Barry is a relationship

expert that helps women move from heart-broken grief to whole-hearted grace. He

is have over 35 years of training and experience including a master’s degree in

Spiritual Psychology, and his #1 best-selling book – 50 Ways to Love Your Lover

– is a comprehensive how-to guide for couples and singles to achieve rewarding


The discussion begins by addressing the widespread

misconception that individuals often believe they need to find someone else to

experience a sense of wholeness. Barry astutely points out that this notion,

which he refers to as the “You complete me” fallacy, is a prevalent

and erroneous idea that has its roots in codependency. He emphasizes the

critical importance of self-improvement and self-exploration before embarking

on a journey toward a healthy relationship. Megan and Barry delve into the

harmful belief that seeking another person to fill a perceived void is the key

to happiness and completion.

Barry shares his personal experiences growing up in an

environment marked by codependency, where he observed his parents engaging in

such dynamics, further reinforcing the misguided concept of love that he would

carry into his own relationships. This pattern of codependency led to emotional

suffocation in his past relationships. The podcast discussion highlights that becoming

relationship-ready involves a profound commitment to self-improvement and

self-reliance, emphasizing that healthy relationships should not be viewed as a

means to personal completeness. Instead, they should be partnerships between

two individuals who have done the necessary internal work, embraced

self-awareness, and cultivated a sense of self-love.

Megan and Barry underscore the significance of self-love and

self-care, both mentally and emotionally, as foundational aspects of

self-improvement. They share their own journeys in overcoming self-criticism

and the harmful habit of internalizing external voices. This conversation

illuminates the fact that many people listen to voices in their heads that

aren’t truly their own, often derived from their upbringing or past

experiences. The power of self-improvement lies in the realization that

everyone has the capability to change these negative thought patterns and

narratives. It is a journey of self-discovery that allows individuals to

reshape their self-perception and create healthier relationships based on love

and respect.

Furthermore, Barry elaborates on some of the key indicators

of relationship readiness. He points out a simple yet profound sign: if an

individual is searching for someone else to rescue or complete them, they are

not yet prepared for a relationship. The conversation highlights the necessity

of cultivating the longest and most crucial relationship one will ever have,

the relationship with oneself. When this self-relationship is nurtured through

self-care, attentive listening to one’s inner voice, and the ability to accept

feedback constructively, individuals become more self-fulfilled and better

equipped to engage in relationships that are free from codependency and


Megan and Barry emphasize the idea that partnerships should

not be about rescuing or completing one another but rather walking side by

side, facing the same direction, and sharing a life’s journey together. They

emphasize that a healthy relationship is about two individuals who maintain

their self-reliance while being intimately connected and supportive of one

another. This dynamic allows for a deeper and more meaningful partnership,

characterized by understanding, trust, and clarity.

The discussion takes an interesting turn towards the idea of

embracing different parts of oneself. Barry introduces the concept of parts

integration, explaining that everyone has various parts within themselves that

influence their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It becomes crucial to

recognize and understand these parts, especially when they contribute to

negative patterns or emotions. This awareness empowers individuals to engage in

constructive internal dialogues, leading to personal growth and positive


The podcast conversation also delves into the significance

of clear communication within relationships. They explore the power of setting

healthy boundaries and the freedom to say “no” when necessary. They

encourage couples to embrace “no” as a loving response, respecting each

other’s individual needs, rather than people-pleasing, which often leads to

sacrifice and resentment. Setting clear boundaries and renegotiating agreements

as circumstances change becomes a vital aspect of healthy partnerships, as it

fosters trust, respect, and open communication.

Ultimately, this podcast episode offers valuable insights

into the journey of relationship readiness, self-improvement, and the power of

healthy communication within partnerships. It encourages listeners to embark on

the path of self-awareness, self-love, and self-reliance, ultimately leading to

healthier, more fulfilling relationships founded on trust and understanding.

Episode Highlights:

  • Codependency and Completeness
  • Jerry Maguire Moment
  • Codependent Relationships
  • Side-by-Side Relationships
  • Awareness and Self-Love
  • The Power of Saying “No”
  • Agreements and Trust


1. “You complete me is probably the epitaph

for codependency.”

2. “Nobody’s broken; we all have our own


3. “The longest relationship I’ve ever had was

the one in the mirror.”

4. “Anything that happened to us doesn’t make

us who we are. We have to choose who we are.”

5. “Saying ‘yes’ and resentment, that’s not

healthy either.”

6. “Saying ‘no’ is a healthy, positive


7. “We listen to voices in our heads that

aren’t even ours.”

8. “A healthy relationship is about two

individuals who maintain their self-reliance while being intimately


9. “Partnerships should be about walking side

by side, facing the same direction, and sharing a life’s journey


10. “It’s not the arguments themselves, but the

themes and patterns you should become aware of and make a conscious



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