Do you happen to have a third wheel in your relationship? Someone or something that shouldn’t be there that’s holding your relationship back? I want to talk about a third-wheel phenomenon that I see with couples going through the immigration process and also having gone through the process myself with my husband.

I typically don’t like to talk about my personal life but I am doing that more because I know that that can benefit all of you to know that somebody else who understands what you have been through. Somebody else has been through what you’re going through and understands.

The third wheel I’m referring to in your relationship is your immigration case. I see all the time that couples are so obsessed and so focused with the immigration case. Rightfully so. You want to get through the process successfully and focus on your future.

I want to give you a few tips so that the immigration case isn’t the third wheel in your relationship. I am not a relationship expert, I’m just an immigration attorney and I’m someone who has gone through the process.

1. Make a conscious choice to not let your immigration case be a third wheel.

I know you’re thinking, “That’s easier said than done. What do you mean, just make a conscious choice?” Just as simple as that. In life, we have this amazing power to choose. To choose how we feel, to choose how we experience life.

While we could feel angry or sad or happy in any given moment, we can be conscious of what it is that’s triggering us to feel a certain way and decide not to feel that way. You can make a conscious choice to not let your immigration case be your third wheel. To not take over your life and your relationship.

2. Hold each other accountable.

This is something that my husband and I did when we realized that discussing the immigration process is stressful. It’s so hard not to always be talking and thinking about it. But we made a conscious choice that what was most important is having a healthy amazing relationship that flourished outside of the immigration process.

When one of you decides to bring up the immigration case, you hold each other accountable and say, “No, we’re not talking about that. We are not talking about the immigration case. We are enjoying each other’s time and company and we’re going to have other life experiences outside of this immigration case.”

Immigration cases often can take months or years and it’s so important that you focus on your relationship. Hold each other accountable to focusing on your relationship so when you get through the process, you have an identity together as a couple that isn’t totally revolving around that immigration case.

3. Focus on your future.

Talk about the future. Where do you want to live? What do you want to do? What career goals do you both have? Where do you want to travel? Focus on that. Think about that future when you have successfully navigated the immigration process. Focus your efforts on that.

4. Continually try to educate yourself and get resources to help you put your relationship first.

If you have to get help from a relationship expert or maybe self-help books about relationships, continually try to educate yourself and give you both the resources that you need to be able to navigate that stressful immigration process to put your relationship first.

Some of these things you might hear might be triggering but I hope you take it to heart and put your relationship first because at the end of the day, that’s what’s most important.